A Jaded Life Chapter 453

Part of me wondered if I qualified as an intellectual masochist, or however one wanted to label someone who enjoyed smashing their head against a metaphorical wall, to the point that they did so repeatedly. In the three days since meeting Olivia, I had tried, again and again, to wrap my head around the way she cast her spells, only to fail, again and again. And it wasn’t just that I was failing, failure, by itself, could be a step on the march of progress, just as I had repeatedly failed when experimenting with my runic enchants, until I began to make progress. But to allow for progress, the failure had to be understood or at least you had to understand the point at which an experiment went off the rails, sometimes literally.

My understanding of divine magic didn’t even get to the point that I could understand my failure, I failed at a more fundamental level. I didn’t even reach the starting-line, a point where I could begin to really fail to understand as I was trying to decipher the workings of Olivia. Both Lenore and I could see the magic and vaguely feel that there was magic afoot, using our magical senses but beyond that, we failed to get even the most basic sensations, it was vexing. How was I supposed to understand something when I couldn’t even begin to measure it?

Not that Olivia was a help in my quest to understand, she was mostly amused at my antics and questions, answering me with patience and piety, pointing me to her deity for answers. While I hadn’t been pushed to the point of prayer, I was beginning to wonder if there was any point in trying or if I was just trying due to a combination of obstinacy and curiosity. But I had one last arrow in my quiver, before I would focus my attention elsewhere, I was going to ask for advice.

Not asking the gods, prostrating before Eleutheria to be granted insight, no that was just not my style, instead, I knew about someone who had a lot of knowledge and insight into magical matters, someone who had called me her Disciple. So, why not ask the Grandmother for advice? It was something I had considered even before meeting Olivia, to ask the Grandmother about the bound Titan. Given what she had told me about her age, I had hopes that she would either have direct knowledge or at least could give me the story with fewer steps of retelling, each of which might change the story just a little. Like in a game of telephone, getting closer to the beginning should give a more accurate picture.

What had stopped me, so far, was the vicinity of the Titan and the Divine Eagle, they scared me. I had no idea what effect they might have on the Astral River or my ability to traverse it in an attempt to connect to the Grandmother but I was not willing to risk things by dipping my toes in too close to them. Now, with a couple of days of distance between us, I was willing to take the risk, even if there was a bit of hesitation. But I wouldn’t let fear of an uncertain outcome defeat me, not in this world of freedom.

After another long day of walking, I had asked Sigmir to keep an eye on me and we moved away from our camp in order to perform my ritual. While I was reasonably certain that the others wouldn’t interfere with the ritual, I had only used it once before, giving me a very limited sample to work with. That was an overall problem I had regarding the work with my non-runic magical abilities, the reproducibility.

The best example was the shadow-step, which I now had performed twice and which had been the other big thing that I had worked on that past couple of days, instantaneous movement between two shadows, without even the requirement that there had to be a line-of-sight between the shadows. Not even a continuous connection of darkness, which was something I had realised when looking at the video of the Tiger’s attack on me. The shadow I had teleported out of had been cast by a cloud luckily moving in front of the sun, allowing me to escape into the shadow cast by Sigmir. There was no direct connection between the shadows, no line of shadow or darkness, nothing. Alas, reproduction had eluded me so far.

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But my purpose that evening was communication with the Grandmother, using the Nexus of Neyto as a beacon to guide me, hopefully letting me meet her again. Finding a good spot, hidden between a couple of rocks, was quite easy and there, I set up my throne. While I wasn’t certain if I actually needed the Throne or the rune I carved into its backrest, it was both a comfortable seat to perform and it gave me peace of mind, two things necessary for the ritual, even if the rune was not.

Sitting down, I cast my mind out, into the Astral River at first simply letting my mind sit on the edge of the river, feeling my surroundings. I could feel a distant presence, in the direction I thought the bound Titan was, but I couldn’t be certain it wasn’t just my mind creating the sensation because I thought it should be there.

Pushing away the sensation I focused on my surroundings, taking them in. It was always interesting to immerse myself into the Astral, to study this strange and unique phenomenon. Looking closely, I noticed something I had previously overlooked or maybe it was something I had been unable to see due to my lacking sensitivity. Previously, I had only seen a single path, a single river, but now, I was able to perceive smaller branches leading away from it.

Letting my mind follow the stream, I realised it would take me towards the presence I had felt earlier, something I wanted to avoid, so I carefully paid attention to my surroundings, noticing a small part of the stream, an inviting part that felt refreshingly cold, that was flowing away from the presence. Latching on to that stream, I let myself be swept up and away, focusing on keeping the connection to my body while taking in my surroundings.

There was a feeling of velocity, as the small stream I had immersed myself in moved through narrow branches before reaching a larger stream and following along with it. Navigation in the Astral was something I had never tried but I remembered the feeling the Nexus of Neyto had given me and tried to find cling to parts of the river that gave me a similar feeling, now that I was in what felt like a major stream. Sadly, after I managed to mentally anchor myself, I failed to find such a stream, the Astral around me swirling and confusing.

After trying for some time, I decided to give up for the time being, using the links to my body, to Sigmir and to Lenore to retreat my steps, forcibly making my way against the stream, until I managed to return to reality.

As almost always, when dealing with the Astral, the time spent within was far different from my perception of time within, what had felt like hours upon hours of magical sensing had actually only been about an hour of actual time. Even then, my mind was exhausted, to the point that I simply remained still, my eyes closed, getting accustomed to my body again.

Sitting there, I began to wonder, why had this attempt been that much harder? What had changed?

The obvious answer was the number of branches I had to follow, the last time, I had instantly found a major stream that was flowing towards the Nexus, but now, not so much. Which meant that even in the Astral distance might matter, with major streams essentially functioning as land-marks. Major streams, like what I thought was powering the ancient road, supplying it with the power it needed to keep itself intact and usable, while strengthening the people traversing on it.

As I thought about it, it began to feel right. Similarly, as I considered the existence of such major flows, I remembered the smaller flows I had noticed earlier, which made me begin to wonder. How could a single river, if I could take the metaphor of the Astral River that far, supply magic, or at least Astral Power, to every point of the world? At least every part I had seen thus far and heard about? Looking into myself and at the flow of Astral Power within my body, I realised the answer, at least a possible one. The Astral Power within my body moved with my blood, following major arteries and veins, getting distributed through capillaries into every part of my body. A few, large vessels that branched out to distribute power to every part of the whole?

I doubted that the comparison would hold true on every level, but for now, it looked adequate.

With a shake of my head, I stood, slowly walking over to Sigmir, shattering my Throne as I went. For the day, I was done with difficult magic, my consultation with the Grandmother would have to wait.